The Truth Comes Out
Well, funny thing is… The other day I actually did pick up a semi-homeless person and gave her a ride. She was overweight, deaf, and drunk. I was returning a DVD to its Redbox home when I was confronted by the woman. She couldn’t talk (obviously) and handed me a note. She needed a ride up the street a few miles… I contested, but she was so tenacious. It was as if she wasn’t listening to anything I said.
I gave her the ride that she needed. She got in my car and was struggling to put her seat-belt on (she couldn’t pull it around her body)… So I put it on for her.
THAT WAS A TRUE STORY. The story about the presumably homeless guy was FALSE. That was a lie. Both the church story and dead woman story was true. Indeed. We are keeping track of who is guessing correctly and believe us- you will get a prize & it will be nice.
On to our next set:
FREEDOM TO TRAVEL story number one.
I had to travel last week for a short business trip to Denver, Colorado. I was there for less than 24 hours.
Oh, I didn’t even notice you left…
I attended a meeting from 9 a.m. to noon and flew back home. Yes, I am that important to this corporation. Daaaang girl Oh and yes, I was picked up in Denver from the airport by an older gentleman wearing white gloves. He was holding a sign with my name “Ms. C Boyer” and kindly took my briefcase while escorting me to his Lincoln Towncar.
ANYWAYS, to the point of the story.
Ok, as I am flying in the air on this small continental airplane, I nearly died. As far as I knew, we were moments from touching the ground (landing) in Denver when suddenly everything went awry. Suddenly, our Captain informed us we were in for some wind gusts over 30 gt, or kts, or something like that.
I’m pretty sure you mean knots…
I’m fritty mure you mean flots.
You know when you ride the rocket at lagoon and the machine is pulling your body down faster than gravity, and you get that crazy feeling in your stomach like a balloon is trying to float upwards and out your throat through your mouth? That’s pretty much exactly how it felt. We dropped a good 200 feet, the plane had no control.
Kids were literally screaming their guts out. literally. Like serious regurgitation.
People were throwing up all around me. There suddenly weren’t enough little white baggies for everyone(which by-the-way how are those bags big enough to do the duty?)
The only way I can really explain it is like this: CLICK HERE. Watch it until a 1:20 or so. I’d like to say I was as composed as him, but at least I wasn’t like the woman on his left.
So after about an hour of flying in circles 200 feet above the ground, the captain finally decided to take some control of the situation and land us 45 minutes away in Colorado Springs. There we were escorted off the plan for 2 hours before they let us back on to re-embark on our journey to the mile high city. Needless to say, I am grateful to be alive, and dreading August when I have to return for yet another business trip.
FREEDOM TO INHABIT Story number 2.
We have been told countless times, by a lot of people that Texas is full of venomous creatures. We have yet to see a scorpion but this week we met a snake…
Some of you probably know what type of snake this is just by looking at it…
Let me assure you that Cait does/did not.
This is a Rat Snake. It is non-venomous and is indigenous to this area. Very indigenous. We were going to get some groceries one evening and I unlocked my side of the car and sat down, waiting for Cait to get in. I was waiting outside the car, as always, for Just ( my lover) to remember that he had to unlock my door as well. I then noticed some movement down by my right foot.
And what to my wandering eyes did appear?
But a GIANT Rat snake hissing with fear.
The next thing I know, Cait is on the roof of the car screaming and crying. I have no idea what is wrong so I open the door to get out and she screams that I will die if I do.
This snake must have been twelve feet long!!!!
I eventually got out to assess the situation and realized it was not a cotton-mouth or rattle-snake. I cradled my dear sweetheart in my arms and notified the front desk they had a 25 ft long serpent on there property that needed to be controlled. We waited it out upstairs until it was safely removed and headed out to H.E.B.
I was still trembling hours later.
FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF story number three.
A few days ago I was inside my house putting up pictures or something on the wall, just minding my own business, when I hear angry knocks on my floor.
It was like 3 in the afternoon, so I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. I kept doing what I was doing and the knocks happened again. This time the person downstairs went through their whole house and banged on their ceiling in every room. They even went out on their porch and banged on that too.
I could tell that they were very mad at me. I didn’t want to be the cause of such discontent or to have a problem with our downstairs neighbors always banging on the floor. I determined that the best way to resolve the issue would be: approach and terminate. Not really.
Number one B.A.
I went downstairs before I could think about it and was knocking politely on their door while my heart was pounding in my chest. They could probably hear it themselves. I don’t know why I was so nervous, but the fact that there was at least one very angry person on the other side of the wall didn’t help calm my nerves.
Turns out the people below us are a two rapper chick wannabes who stay up all night partying. They start cussing me out pointed their bony fingers at me getting all up in my grill.
Note** I have experienced this type behavior before, in basic training, so I know how to deal with it. These type of people are usually “all bark, no bite.” For example, If an elephant were to charge you in the wild and you stood your ground and called its bluff it would probably back down and leave you alone. It’s the same in this sort of situation.
Are you serious right now? Its 3:30p.m.
h**l yeah I’m serious. You be getting all bangin up der. It hurts ma head. You know, I work all night…
blah blah blah, I know this girl doesn’t work. She is hungover every morning because she, “can’t stop, won’t stop.”
So I say,”You’re a fool. Don’t bang on my floor in the middle of the day. If we are loud at night then bang all you want cause I know that that is what we are doing…”
Oh no… too far.
I stared her down until she looked down and mumbled some swear words and walked back inside. They haven’t banged on our floor since.
But I’ll be hanging my pictures up at 5 a.m. from now on.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
hyperbo-liars 